Three woman knitting sweater

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.

"What was that?" The others asked her.

"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy."

A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked.

"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."

They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked her.

"It was Thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this damn sweater!"

The cabby driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.

"The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

What one wall says to the other???

What one wall says to the other one????
....
what else it could ???
....
....

come on.....

given up..... Ok....

It says, "Lets meet at the corner...." (Vom*** he he)

Once an LA girl

Once an LA girl is walking down the street with her left breast hanging out...

A police car pulls up and says, "Miss, put your left breast back in
your top or i will arrest you"

LA girl looks down and says, "Oh God !! .....I 've left the baby on the bus again".

Banta's strange disease

Banta's wife Pammo goes to her psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband, Banta. He thinks he is a refrigerator."

"That's not so bad," says the psychiatrist, "it is a rather harmless complex."

"Well, maybe," replies Pammo, "but he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake."

JESUS vs SATAN

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from the results I shall judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man and woman.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then ten minutes before their time was up lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on and they restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming : "It's gone! It's all GONE!

I lost everything when the power went off!"

Meanwhile Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
"Wait!" Satan screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and all mine's gone?"

God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES.

Lawyer and the client

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!

call for librarian at midnight

What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.

"Nine A.M." came the reply.

"And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"

"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.

"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said.

"Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"

"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Banta got tennis ball

One day while jogging, Banta noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

On his way to home he met Santa.

Santa asked, ""What do you have in your pocket?"

"Tennis ball?" Banta said.

"Uff," said Santa looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

Man of 80 marries Girl of 21

The event made headlines news in the local paper."Man of 80 marries Girl of 21."

The couple held a press conference after their honeymoon.

"How often do you have sex?" shouted the Journalists.

"Nearly every night!" replied the man.

"Nearly on Monday, nearly on Tuesday, Wednesday..."

Banta as Museum curator

Banta has been working as curator in Natural History Museum in London for quite some time.

A man was looking at Dinosaurs bones kept in the museum and asked Banta how old the bones were?

Banta replied: 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.

''Wonder me!' the man said. 'How do you know their age so precisely?'

Banta said 'Well, they were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.'