Banta in a Shopping Mall

Banta spoted a beautiful girl in a mall and approached her and said her, "Hello, Actually I have lost my wife somewhere in this mall, Can you talk to me for sometime."

Lady replied angrilly, "And how that help your cause ?"

Banta, "Actually whenever I talk to beautiful girl like you, my wife appears from nowhere."

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(sure enough when Banta turned around he spotted his wife staring at him. General Phenomenon.)

Some strange Laws

Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet your boss in the elevator.

Banta's lousy habit.

Banta had this ugly habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke and this was ofcourse irritating to his wife. Continous request from wife didn't made Banta change this habit of his.
She used to warn him one day you will fart out your guts instead visit the doctor and get cured.
But Banta ignored.

One Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and Banta was upstairs sound asleep, she though of playing some prank on him. she went upstairs pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual habitual gesture which was followed by a loud scream this time.

About twenty minutes later, Banta came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants and said to her wife.

"Well you were right that I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Two soldiers different reasons

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

First Soldier: Why did you join the army?

Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.

Banta's wrong number

Banta and his wife are sound asleep in bed when the phones rings.

Banta picks up, listens for a few seconds and says, "How would I know, you idiot! I'm not a weatherman , You chuckle head."

The wife asks, "Who was that dear?"

Banta says, "Some idiot asking if the coast was clear."

Banta and the bank robber

A bank robber walks up to one of his hostages and asks, "Did you see my face?"

The hostage replies, "Yes."

The robber takes aim and shoots the man in the head.

He turns to the next man Banta. "And did you see my face?"

"No, but my wife did!"

Banta - The hunter

Banta and two other guys found themselves in an Island after the ship wreck. They were the only survivors. Soon they set out for hunting for some food. After searching for hours they finally hunted a wild big goat.

The first guy said, "I serviced my motherland in Kashmir for 5 years, So I will eat the head of the goat."

The second guy said, "I serviced in Indore for 6 years, So I will eat stomach of the goat."

Banta was silent for a while and then said, "Well actually I worked in andaman and nicobar island for last 8 years, But I am not very hungry"

Banta on an interview

Banta wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.

Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Banta: Seven!

Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Banta: Seven!

Tester: Let`s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Banta: Six.

Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Banta: Seven!

Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Banta : I`ve already got one rabbit at home!

Banta among bollywoods stars

Banta is on holiday with his girlfriend in Mumbai. One night they go out to a club where, as Banta assures his girl friend, they will meet with the stars.

Sure enough the place is full of stars, and everyone seems to know everyone else with "Hi Ash" and "how ya Madhuri" all over the place.

Banta`s girlfriend is decidedly unimpressed that he knows none of these stars, and nobody is interested in talking to them.

On a visit to the toilet Banta finds himself standing beside Shahrukh khan. Banta explains the problem to him, tells him that he has been a fan for years and has all the records and
asks him to help him out.

All he has to do is walk past my table and shout "Howya Banta".

Shahrukh is in a good mood so agrees to do this.

Twenty minutes later sure enough Sharukh walks up to the table where Banta and his
girlfriend are sitting alone talking.

"Howya Banta" shouts Shahrukh.

Banta turns round and says "Will you ever fuck off Shahrukh, can`t you see that I`m talking to my girlfriend?"

Never argue with women who reads

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn - the wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.


MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think

Banta on death bed!!

Banta devoted his entire life to the small village in which he lived and, at 93 and on his death-bed, was soon to die in.

He motioned to his great grandson to whisper his final words...."Billu", he said faintly, "You know the only bridge that leads into our tiny village? Well I designed, funded and built it, but they don't call me 'Banta the Bridge Builder'".

"You know the town hospital? I designed and built that too, but they don't call me 'Banta the Hospital Builder'".

"And the only temple (Gurudwara) in town.... I built that too, and they don't call me 'Banta the temple Builder',

but just once I get caught with that goat, I have been known as ............."

A Dog in telegram office

A dog goes into a telegram office and asks to send a message."

I want it to say 'woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof'"

The man says , "You have paid 200 rs and only used 14 words….you can add another one at no extra charge"

The dog says " But then it wouldn't make any sense"

A Bear and a lizard

A bear was sitting under a tree was sipping some vodka which he found some where and was in very merry mood. A lizard approached the bear and asked what is he drinking?

The Bear replied, "Ah, This is magic drink! This makes you feel happy, free you from all your worries"

Lizard said, "Can I also taste the magic drink"?

The Bear gave her some vodka, The lizard drinks it and felt very good. But soon her body demanded some water.

She said to bear that she is going downstream to drink some water. The lizard went near the stream and fulfils her stomach. There he met her friend crocodile who was upset for some reason.she told her friend crocodile that up there in the bush, beneath that tree, there is that bear which has this magic drink which will make you worry free.

The crocodile slowly crawled up and reached the tree and He saw the Bear.

The crocodile asked the bear, "Can I have some of your magic drink"?

Bear looked at the crocodile and exclaimed, "Oh SHIT!! How much quantity of water did you drink"?

The tale of three tortoises

Three tortoises once decided that they will head to some other place as its boring to be at same place for so long and they packed their food and off they go.

On there way there way they found a desert and they traveled for 6 months continuously and still the desert seems to be an unending one. They thought of taking a break and have some nice food before going ahead. But suddenly they realized that they forgot to bring water.

The eldest one declare that we need water after having food so one of us will go back and fetch should go. Nobody wants to go as they fear in his absence food will be over. Finally It was decided with love and force that the youngest one should go. The other two tortoise promised that until he returns no one will touch the food. And off he goes to fetch the water....


Six months passed ... the youngest tortoise didn't return.

1 year passed .. the youngest tortoise didn't return and that left worried faces of the other two.

2 year passed.. and the youngest tortoise didn't return and that was real test of patience for the other two. They assume that the young one might not return now..

And with reluctance they thought that they will have food without water and then search for water in their onward journey.

And as soon as they unwrap the food and put there hands on it... the youngest one jump from nowhere and said, "You bastards, I knew that you will eat the food in my absence that is why I was hiding behind the bush and watching you two from the beginning itself ."

Banta became priest

Banta was working in a stock exchange. He made bogus promises to lot of his friends of doubling their money and collected lakhs of money and absconded to a remote village and started living a simple luxurious life :-)). He seems to be always happy of making so many greedy people fool and always hold a constant smile on his face and seldom talks to anybody.

He then did some donation for upliftment of the villagers. Slowly villagers started believing that he is some extraordinary human being who is always happy and regards him some divine messenger from the GOD.

Lots of gifts , fruits started pouring in his house and then his blessings was also taken by the needers. The villagers then ask him to give some discourses as they eagerly wanted to hear something from him but Banta was reluctant and had no knowledge whatsoever about spirituality.


With constant force from villagers, one day stage was set for Banta to deliver the divine speech.
Almost whole village were present to listen Banta's speech.

Banta came to the stage and said, "Do you know what I am going to talk about?"

The whole villagers echoed, "Yes!!"

Banta said, "No time wasting each others time if you already know what I am going to speak about and escaped."

The villagers were disappointed over their foolishness and urged him once more to deliver the speech on some day.

Banta stood up and shouted, "Do you know what I am going to talk about?"

The villagers this time echoed, "No!!"

Banta said, "If you people don't know what you want to know that shows lack of interest. No point wasting each others time and He again escaped."


And that again left villagers into dissapointed.The villagers then finally became determined that this time we make the divine soul speak at whatever cost.

They convinced Banta again to deliver speech for villagers.

Banta stood up again this time and shouted, "Do you know what I am going to talk about?"

Villagers being smarter this time, worked according to their plans. Half said "Yes" and other half said "NO".

Banta said finally, OK, Those who know share thier knowledge with others who don't know and escaped.

The tale of two different talking parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquires.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're bad girls. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're bad girls, want to have some fun?"


One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

The farmer, the sheep and the dog

A Young farmer, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the farmer.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Young man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Young farmer had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Young man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear..."could you take the dog for a walk?"

The cabie driver and the nun

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Singh is Kinng (Image)

The DON, the Deaf and mute Guy and Smart Banta

A deaf mute man is working his way up in the Mumbai and finally gets the job of collecting "protection" money from traders on the streets of Mumbai.

After a few weeks though he gets greedy and starts to cream off some of the money and stashes it in a safe place. The DON however soon realises that they are short by about 8,00,000 and went to catch up the guy with their best enforcers to sort it out.

He finds the deaf mute collector and asks him where the money is, but they can't communicate so the enforcer drags the guy to one of Banta, poor restaurant owners who he knew could use sign language.

"Ask him where the money is."

Banta signs to the man who'd been terrorising the neighbourhood for weeks "Where's the money?"

The deaf mute replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Banta tells the DON this, who immediately pulls out a gun and points in the collector's mouth. "NOW ask him where the money is."

The terrified deaf-mute signs back, "The 8,00,000 is in deposit box 542 at Paddington Station and the key is in the glove compartment of my car."

Banta says to the DON, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger, and he is not afraid of bastards like you."

Definition of God

The dog looked up it's caregiver and said, "You love me, you play with me, you take care of me, you feed me, you must be God."

The cat looked up at it's caregiver and said, "You love me, you play with me, you take care of me, you feed me, I must be God."

REBEL looked up and said, "You love him, you play with him, you take care of him, you feed him. Aah, He must be dying soon."

Little Jhonny's great outlook

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Little Jhonny sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As ?long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!

Ever Mischievous GrandMas

Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet you we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, the grandpa dropped his drawers.

The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn arounda couple of times, then asked him to jump up and down for a littlewhile and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

"How in the world did you guess?!?"

The old grandmas, snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison,"Because you told us yesterday."