A Bear family in some forest

It's a lovely hot, sunny morning in the forest where the bear family live.

There was mummy bear, daddy bear and baby bear.

Baby bear goes downstairs for breakfast and as usual sits down in his small chair at the end of the table. He looks at his small plate and guess what? It’s empty.
"Who's been eating my breakfast?" he shouts.

Daddy bear then makes an appearance and sits in his big chair. He looks at his big plate and guess what? It too is empty.
"Who's been eating my breakfast?" he roars.

On hearing all this complaining, Mumma bear puts her head through the serving hatch and shouts at Daddy bear and Baby bear.

"How many times do we have to go through this? she shouts

It was mummy bear who got up first.
It was mummy bear who woke up everybody else in the house.
It was mummy bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was mummy bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspapers and breakfast.
It was mummy bear who set the breakfast table.
It was mummy bear who filled the cat's milk and food dishes,
and it was mummy bear who cleaned the litter box and took the dog for a walk."


"And now that you two have finally decided to get out of bed and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time.......

I haven't made the bloody breakfast yet!!!"

Albie's curious case

Albie was 70 years old and makes an appointment to see his doctor. His doctor asks him a few questions.

"Mr Albie, what about urination? Do you have any problems?"

Albie replies, "No doctor, it’s very regular, every morning at precisely 7am."

"And what about your bowel movements?"

Albie replies, "They’re fine also doctor, every morning at precisely 8am."

The doctor asks, "So then why did you come to see me, Mr Albie?"

Albie replies, "Doctor, But I don’t wake up before 10am."

Precaution before arrival of mother in law

Banta took his spaniel dog to the vet.

"Doctor Abraham," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

Dr Abraham stepped back in shock, "Banta, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Actually Sir, my mother-in-law is arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

Deal for elephant

Santa and Banta met in a restaurant for a business lunch.

Santa said, "I have a good deal for you, Banta. When I was in Kerala Zoo recently, I happened to pick up 3 elephants they didn’t need any more. I could let you one for three thousand Rupees."

Banta sipped his gin and said, "Santa, what am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a third floor flat. I barely have room for my furniture. I can't even squeeze in a card table. So you think I'm going to buy an elephant?"

Santa said, "I could let you have all three of them for two thousand rupees."

"Aah," said Banta smiling, "now you're talking business!"

customer is always right

Banta was in his usual nasty mood as he goes into a bank and says to the women cashier behind the window, "I want to open a bloody deposit account."

The astonished woman replies, "I do beg your pardon, but I must have misheard you. What did you say?"

"So listen carefully this time, you stupid moron," shouts Banta, angrily, "I said I want to open a bloody deposit account right now."

"I'm very sorry sir, but I won’t tolerate that kind of language," and with that she leaves her window and goes to see the bank manager.

The manager agrees with her that she certainly shouldn’t have to listen to foul language. They both return to her window and the manager says to Banta, "What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"There is no damn problem," Banta says, "I’ve just won 1 crore on the lottery and all I want to do is open a bloody deposit account in this bloody awful bank!"

"Oh, I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time, Sir?"

Albie and Marry in their 80s

One night, Albie and Marry, both in their eighties, go to Empire Restaurant.

Albie orders just one plate of salt chicken, Mushroom frieds and new green cucumbers. Then, when it arrives, he tucks into his favourite food. Marry just sits there watching him enjoy himself.

Mr Benny, sitting at a table nearby, notices that Marry hasn’t got a meal. He then gets quite upset when, with plenty of food still left on his plate, Albie puts down his knife and fork, removes his napkin and puts it on the table.


“How mean,” thought Benny, “the elderly lady is just sitting there without any food. Maybe they can’t afford two meals?”

So Benny goes over to Marry and says, “I hope you won’t be offended but I see you don’t have anything to eat. Could I please treat you to a meal? It would really make me happy if you said yes.”


Marry replies, “That’s very kind of you but there is no need to worry about me. My husband Albie and I share everything 50/50 and now that he’s eaten his half, it will soon be my turn.”

“So what are you waiting for?” asks Benny.

“The teeth.”

Banta's Motor bike revealed!!

Wisdom on efficiency from expert

Banta was an efficiency expert and at the end of one of his lectures to professionals, he concluded with a note of caution. "Please don't try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked Albie, who was in the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," Banta explained.

"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, oven, table and cupboards, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Darling, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" Albie asked.

"Actually, yes," replied Banta. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in 7 minutes."

Mother-in-law's illness

Banta meets Santa in the street. Banta says, “Is it true, Santa, that your mother-in law is ill?”

“Yes.” , replied Santa.

“In fact,I heard that she is in hospital.” queried Banta.

“Yes.”, replied Santa.

“How long has she been in hospital?”, again queried Banta.

Santa replies, “29 more days please G0D and it will be a month.”

Engineer's life after death

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer—you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


(courtesy : sagar masuti)