A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Sister Martha
Antony approached Tomy's bar. On the step outside he was confronted by a nun, Sister Martha,
Martha said: 'Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this house of ignominity? Surely you're not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil's bar. Why don't you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?'
'Hang on, Sisters,' said Antony. 'How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it's wrong to form such a rash judgement when you've never tasted the stuff?'
'Very well,' said Sister Martha. Till taste it just to prove my point. Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin. Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup not a glass!'
'OK,' said Antony and into the bar he went. 'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a cup?'
'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?'
Martha said: 'Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this house of ignominity? Surely you're not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil's bar. Why don't you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?'
'Hang on, Sisters,' said Antony. 'How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it's wrong to form such a rash judgement when you've never tasted the stuff?'
'Very well,' said Sister Martha. Till taste it just to prove my point. Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin. Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup not a glass!'
'OK,' said Antony and into the bar he went. 'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a cup?'
'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?'
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Banta and his secretary
Banta to his secretary, "Why don't you clean this office, It looks like hell now"
Secretary, "I have figured out this files are 10 years old, should I destroy these files sir, This will make your cabin tidier."
Banta, "Yes sure enough!!, Go ahead and destroy them but don't forget to keep their copies."
Secretary, "I have figured out this files are 10 years old, should I destroy these files sir, This will make your cabin tidier."
Banta, "Yes sure enough!!, Go ahead and destroy them but don't forget to keep their copies."
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
REBEL and the Traffic Police
It was the beautiful evening of Saturday and my heart urges for a long drive on the high way to make the day more special. I obliged my heart and set out for a long drive.
There I was speeding on the high way, enjoying cool breeze and I was filled with immense energy as my destination was my journey and I was enjoying every bit of it. My joy was short lived though, There I saw a long rally of vehicles waiting for green signal at 4 X junction. Somehow, driving between the vehicles, on the platform I reached near the junction.
I was amazed to see that all four ways were showing red signals and there was no traffic man around. I was getting very impulsive to zip off through the red signals to the long empty road.
When two - three minutes passed, finally I saw signal changed to orange and I just ripped through the signals and was astonished to see somewhere 100 meters ahead of junction, 4-5 traffic police were hiding in the bush just to catch guys who are breaking traffic rules.
One of them came in the middle of the road shouting like hell and stopped me. I said , I started when signal became orange and it was about to turn green but He shouted back in regional language and I figured out that I am at the receiving end of his anger. My mind framed a good speech quickly which would have been very impressive if at all it was heard but nobody was ready to hear me. And I have learned one thing that arguments are never fruitful.
It was of course a plot to catch people and charge them as you will never find all four signal RED simultaneously at the same time.I learned a lesson though and said to myself, Mr REBEL don't break traffic rules.
I paid 300 rs fine and goes speeding again......
There I was speeding on the high way, enjoying cool breeze and I was filled with immense energy as my destination was my journey and I was enjoying every bit of it. My joy was short lived though, There I saw a long rally of vehicles waiting for green signal at 4 X junction. Somehow, driving between the vehicles, on the platform I reached near the junction.
I was amazed to see that all four ways were showing red signals and there was no traffic man around. I was getting very impulsive to zip off through the red signals to the long empty road.
When two - three minutes passed, finally I saw signal changed to orange and I just ripped through the signals and was astonished to see somewhere 100 meters ahead of junction, 4-5 traffic police were hiding in the bush just to catch guys who are breaking traffic rules.
One of them came in the middle of the road shouting like hell and stopped me. I said , I started when signal became orange and it was about to turn green but He shouted back in regional language and I figured out that I am at the receiving end of his anger. My mind framed a good speech quickly which would have been very impressive if at all it was heard but nobody was ready to hear me. And I have learned one thing that arguments are never fruitful.
It was of course a plot to catch people and charge them as you will never find all four signal RED simultaneously at the same time.I learned a lesson though and said to myself, Mr REBEL don't break traffic rules.
I paid 300 rs fine and goes speeding again......
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A High tech bar with ROBOT as bartender!!
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "Oh, about 164."The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity,inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc...The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tack. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please."Again it was superb. The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Top Gear, the latest football scores, and what to expect of the championship season.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the> question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man slowly drawled out " Uh..... bout 10"
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "Are... your... people... happy... with... PERVEZ MUSHARRAF ?"
The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please."
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "Oh, about 164."The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity,inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc...The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tack. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please."Again it was superb. The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Top Gear, the latest football scores, and what to expect of the championship season.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the> question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man slowly drawled out " Uh..... bout 10"
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "Are... your... people... happy... with... PERVEZ MUSHARRAF ?"
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Bush, Blair and Musharraf
George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Pervez Musharraf were relaxing near the swimming pool in a luxurious 6 * hotel.
Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."
Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. "
By this time, Pervez Musharraf was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly goes to his room and returned . When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him incredulously. It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Musharraf's posterior.
When Musharraf saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Oh guys! I think I'm getting a fax."
Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."
Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. "
By this time, Pervez Musharraf was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly goes to his room and returned . When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him incredulously. It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Musharraf's posterior.
When Musharraf saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Oh guys! I think I'm getting a fax."
cute moral story - 2
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
1. To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
2. Never copy your manager ;-).
Friday, September 5, 2008
The black african farmer
A black African farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer
didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer
didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."
Banta in california
Banta shifted to califonia...
One day Banta and his wife were sitting in their living room and Banta said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
His wife replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''
Banta replied, ''No, I'm turning the heater off.''
One day Banta and his wife were sitting in their living room and Banta said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
His wife replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''
Banta replied, ''No, I'm turning the heater off.''
Banta - The woodcutter
Banta got a job felling trees. And he was paid by results. They gave him an electric saw and off into the forest he went. At sunset Banta returned with the other loggers and they counted their trees.
'I got ninety-eight,' said Ramu.
'Ninety-one me,' added Shyam.
'I only got four,' said Banta.
'Well, I can't understand that,' said the boss. 'Maybe your saw is defective. Pass it here.'
The boss pulled the starting rope and the saw burst into life.
'My God,' said Banta, 'See it is defective, what's that noise?'
'I got ninety-eight,' said Ramu.
'Ninety-one me,' added Shyam.
'I only got four,' said Banta.
'Well, I can't understand that,' said the boss. 'Maybe your saw is defective. Pass it here.'
The boss pulled the starting rope and the saw burst into life.
'My God,' said Banta, 'See it is defective, what's that noise?'
Two black eyed man
A man with a black eye boards a plane and notices the man next to him has a shiner too.
1st man says, "how did you get that ?"
2nd man says "Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh".
1st man says "I got mine like that to, I want to say to my wife, Give me a glass of water please, but I accidentally said you`ve ruined my life you evil creature!!.
1st man says, "how did you get that ?"
2nd man says "Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh".
1st man says "I got mine like that to, I want to say to my wife, Give me a glass of water please, but I accidentally said you`ve ruined my life you evil creature!!.
Banta desperate for pee
Banta arrives Dublin airport and is dying for a pee. He makes it to the Gents but there's a huge queue.He sees that the disabled toilet is free so he decides to leg it in before he relax himself.
After relieving himself he's coming out the door, He saw a queue of disabled people everyone staring angrily at him.
Banta looks at his leg and said, "Bloody miracle this country, I can walk now!'.
After relieving himself he's coming out the door, He saw a queue of disabled people everyone staring angrily at him.
Banta looks at his leg and said, "Bloody miracle this country, I can walk now!'.
American for a job in bank
An American man moves to the U.K. to find some work. He manages to find a job in a bank.
On his first day, the boss tells him to sweep up the floor.
"Excuse me? I'm from one of the best colleges in the U.S.A.!"
"Oh, I'm so very sorry!" replied the bank manager, "let me call someone in to show you how to do it."
On his first day, the boss tells him to sweep up the floor.
"Excuse me? I'm from one of the best colleges in the U.S.A.!"
"Oh, I'm so very sorry!" replied the bank manager, "let me call someone in to show you how to do it."
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