Santa fooled in the bar!!

Santa walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking.
He says, "Magic beer. You want one?"
"Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" , replied Santa

"Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window."

That's incredible! I don't believe it!" says Santa.
"Here, you try it" he says to Santa.

Santa takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground - breaking both her legs - and begins screaming in pain.

The bartender says, "Superman, you're really bad when you are drunk."

A Duck goes to a Bar

A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard bird!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

A Philosopher among the Negroes

A Philosopher from USA is sent into one of the tribal village in some woods in RSA among the Negroes to teach them basic fundamentals of life.

The Philosopher spent quite a time over there educating children and men and gelled among them.

He was having quite a good time until one day a Negro women gave birth to white child.

All the villagers were annoyed on Philosopher as he was only white guy among them. All went to the Chief and asked him to punish him.

The Chief approached the Philosopher and said, "You see, I can't help. I need to punish you. Do you have anything to say in your defense."

The Philosopher replied, "You see Sir, I am not guilty. Sometime nature does surprise you. You see in that field those sheep grazing, All are white except the one in the middle which is black."

The Chief thought for a moment and replied, "OK then, You don't mention about the black sheep and I will handle this child issue."

Old man's marriage wisdom

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v tried to treat her well, spend the money on her, but, the best is that I took her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm gonna go to italy and get her back."

Free Hair Cut!!

A man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. After the man received the full treatment -- shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etcetera, he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I will be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still had not returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy has forgotten all about you."

"That was not my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we are gonna get a free haircut

Smart Banta's parking problem

Smart Banta was driving his car in sweat and was very anxious as he had very important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

He said to God, "Dear Lord, If you find me a parking place I will give up drinking, will be nice to my family and also visit temple every week."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared to Banta. He said, "Never mind, I got one now !!"

Young Santa as Hotel staff

A hotel manager was giving some advice to his staff about how to cope with embarrassing circumstances.

Suppose one of you enters a room,” he explains, “and finds a lady in a state of undress. Anything you do or say could make matters worse, but there is a simple way out. Just pretend you are short-sighted and say something like, ‘I'm terribly sorry, sir, I'll come back in a minute.’ That will save her from embarrassment.”

The next morning a young Santa was on duty taking breakfast up to a room. He knocks on the bedroom door and receiving no answer, walks in. There on the bed, a couple were indulging in intimate moments. Suddenly, they sensed the waiter's presence and there was a ghastly silence until the Santa remembers the lecture of the day before.

With complete confidence he asks, “Would either of you gentlemen like to have breakfast?”