New Mattakk kali

A Paki at the doctor's clinic

A Paki is at his doctors complaining of chest pains.

After extensive tests, the doctor announces the findings of the test.

"Well, Sir, I have some good news and bad news for you. Firstly you appear to have the painful and life threatening condition Emphysema, caused by your constant smoking."

"Oh," says Paki, "What's the good news, then?"

The doctor replies, "That is the good news. The bad news is - There is a cure."

Businessman and Banta of remote village

A businessman, hopelessly lost in a far off village where Banta lived, approaches him for some directions.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asks Banta , "what is the quickest way to the capital from this village?"

"Well, are you going to be walking or driving?" asks Banata

"I'm driving there." replied the businessman

"Yep, I'd definitely say that's the quickest way then.", concluded Banta.

Experience Vs Talent

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,

"Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Banta's son monty

Teacher took a 5 rupee coin and dip it in a glass filled with mild acid and then asked the students, "Tell me whether this coin will melt or not?"

Monty answered, "Sir, The coin will not melt."

Teacher replied, "very good, Now explain why!!"

Monty, "Sir, if it would have melted then you would have dipped 1 rupee instead of 5."

Banta - the lion tamer

An apprentice is training to be a lion tamer, and it's his first day.

The master tamer Banta was telling him what to do."Firstly, if the lion growls, move back slightly."

Secondly, if the lion keeps growling, and moves towards you, move back a little more."

Thirdly, if the lion is still growling and advancing on you, throw a load of shit in its face and ran out.

"The apprentice replies, "but what if there is no shit to throw?"

"Don't worry," replies the Banta, "if a lion is advancing on you, there will be!"

65 year-old woman gave birth

A 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. She is discharged from the hospital and goes home.

Her relatives came to see this miracle and also were bit burried as how she will cope up the situation “May we see the new baby?” one asks.

“Not yet… soon,” says the 65 year-old mother, chatting away with her visitors.

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asks, “May we see the new baby now?”

“Not yet,” replies the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they ask again, “May we see the baby now?”

“No,” replies the mother.

Growing very impatient, they ask, “So, when can we see the baby?”

“Well..... when it cries,” she tells them.“WHEN IT CRIES!” they exclaim, “why on earth do we have to wait until it cries?”

“Because," she explains, "I've forgotten where I put it...”