Smart Banta and the Cashier

"Okay, that will be 20 Rupees Sir," said the cashier to Banta as he scanned his Mineral water bottle.

"What!?" Banta shouted. "But it says 10 Rupees on the bottle?"

"Yes, I know it says that on it, but it is actually 20 rupees."

"Fine," Banta said, and begrudgingly handed him the cash.

"Ummm, excuse me sir," the man slid the money back across the counter. "You've handed me a 10 Rupee note."

"Yes, I know said Banta, It says 10 rupees on it but its actually 20 rupees."

Good soul always suffer?

Pedro the old grey horse is very sick and all the other animals on the farm are extremely concerned. One evening, Bobby, the only pig on the farm, overhears the farmer talking to his wife:

"Looks like we'll have to take old Pedro to the knacker's, he's not going to get much better."

Bobby the pig is shocked to the bone, so he runs off and organizes all the animals to do whatever they can to help Pedro. The cows donate milk, the other horses pass on some of their feed, the chickens and geese brush him down and peck off the parasites, the dogs and cats steal apples and pears from the orchard, the goats take him out for fresh air and exercise and Bobby the pig himself gives the old horse gentle, healing massages.

Day by day, Pedro gains in strength and is gradually back to full health and fitness. The farmer is so happy about the recovery of his favorite old workhorse that he decides to invite all the neighbours over for a big barbecue to celebrate and that afternoon he slaughters his only pig...

Athiests

A priest, a vicar and a rabbi were discussing how they split the money donated by members of their congregations after a service.

The vicar says "I draw a circle on the ground and throw all the money in the air. What lands in the circle I keep for myself and the rest I give to the church.


The priest then says he does the same but what lands in the circle he give to the church and he keeps the rest.

The vicar then turns to the rabbi and asks"What do you do with your money?

To which the rabbi replies "I throw all the money in the air and what God can catch God can keep"

Idle spidey during power-cuts?

Q. Why doesn't Spiderman work during power-cuts?

A. With no power comes no responsibility.

Mother of 35 kids

A lady married a man, and had 13 children, and the husband died.

After having the funeral, the woman had found a new man, and married him. She then had a further 7 children. And again, the husband died.

Going through the second husbands funeral, the woman found yet another man, and married him. This time, she had another 15 children. In all, she had a total of 35 children.

Eventually she died. The 3rd husband was attending her funeral.

Whilst at the funeral, the priest said " Lord, they are finally together."

One mourner said " Who do you think he means she's with ? The 1st husband, the 2d husband or the 3rd husband ?


The second mourner said : I think he mentioned about her legs.

Smart Boy

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.

*Boy throws bag out the window*

Teacher: Who threw that?

Boy: Me, I'm going home now.

A single wish

A man had no wife, no child, no money, no home and a blind mother. He pestered God with prayers, and God got moved by his prayers and told him to make ONLY ONE request that will be granted.

The man prayed thus; ''God, i want my mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my children's hands in our mansion''.

God thought to Himself, "Damn, i still have a lot to learn from these human beings!"

Banta's implication

Banta's wife Pammo asked him,"Could you please go shopping for me and
buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later Banta comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

Pammo asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"


Banta replied, "They had eggs."

Typical girl :-)

Boy: Hi

Girl: What?

Boy: How are you?

Girl: Do i know you?

Boy: I'm rich

Girl: Hi, i am Emma i'm 20 nice to meet you!

Boy: No no, "Rich" is my name

Girl: Sorry i don't talk to people I don't know.

Mother in law vs Cricket

Albie was an ardent cricket fan and follows every game religiously.

Once he got a chance to be in a corporate hospitality dept of a premier cricket match happening in the city. It was once in a lifetime opportunity for him to meet all his favorite players personally.

Albie was all excited on D day when he got an urgent call from his wife saying her mum's been hit by a bus and has only hours to live.

Fifteen minutes later, Albie was at the hospital hugging his wife.

"Thank-you darling, I'm so sorry you'll miss your cricket and I know how much that matters to you", say Albie's wife.

"Don't worry, love, I wouldn't miss this - I'm taping it and I'll watch it later."

Oh really, says Albie's wife

Yeah, I have brought the camcorder and set this up quickly now.

A guy's test for free beer

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar...

FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR 3 MONTHS FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

The Bartender replies "Well,

1.First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it.

2.Second, there's a gatekeeper out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands.

3.Third, there's a woman up there, you have to make love to her to her satisfaction."

The guy says, "I love free beer so much, I can do anything for it.

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.

Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

Banta as police inspector

A couple has lodged a complaint about their missing daughter who was last seen to their knowledge when she went to get some pizza for them.

Banta after thorough investigation reaches couples house.

Banta, "We have some good news and some bad news Mr and Mrs Reddy"

Parents, "Whats the bad news"?

Banta, "Your daughter is dead!"

Parents, "My GOD, Whats could be good news then"?

Banta, "We have found the Pizza"

Dressed to impress

Banta's wife asked, "Do I look nice in this dress?"

Banta looked up from his newspaper and said, "No, you look a fat mess".

"What, you mean there's nothing you like about me in this outfit?", she sobbed.

"There is", Banta said, "I like the fact you're wearing it to go out somewhere.

The drunkard in Hotel

A drunk man staggers into a hotel with bruises on his face and asks the receptionist, "Can I have the key please to room No 102"?

"I'm sorry sir" The receptionist replied, "but that room is occupied,"


"Not at the moment it isn't" the drunk replied, "I just fell out of the window."

Banta - The Magician

Banta was magician and used to work on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week, so the Banta used to do the same tricks over and over again and receive applause every time.

There was one problem though. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

Banta was furious at times, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day it so happened that while Banta was performing his tricks, the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the tenth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up, This trick is something new. Where's the bloody ship?"

Banta's first air travel

Banta was asked by his company to travel to London for bussiness visit. It was Banta's first air travel and he was scared.

When he abroad the flight, He started feeling better seeing the crowd and their ease and comfort. And the plane was off to London peacefully..

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising
altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop
from Delhi to London.
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.
So sit back,relax and...... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!


Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking
to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

Banta stood up and yelled... 'You come here ... you should see the
back of mine first!!!'

Banta as Surgeon

Banta was renowned surgeon of the city.

A person went into hospital one day to undergo a risky medical procedure.

He spoke to Banta (Head surgeon) earlier to explain that I was a little nervous, but Banta reassured him following way.

"There's only a 1 in 100 chance of anything going seriously wrong," he said.

"Besides, I've done 99 of these operations before and they've all been fine."

Boy vs Girl

Boy: I think you are ABCDEFGHIJK.

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Adorable, beautiful, charming, delightful, elegant, feisty, gorgeous and hot.

Girl: And the 'IJK'?

Boy: I'm just kidding!!

The Pope and KFC Deal

When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea. He got in touch with the Pope and asked him whether they could change the words of the Lord's prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken."

"I can't possibly do that" said the Pope.

Not even for 100,000 dollars?" asked the colonel.

"No, not even for 100,000 dollars.

6 months later and KFC sales were declining even further. The colonel was getting desperate and made another call to the Pope. This time he offered 500,000 dollars to change the words from "bread" to "chicken".

Again, the Pope refused. I can't possibly change the words of the Lord's prayer" he repeated.

Another six months by and KFC sales had reached an all time low, and the company was in danger of going out of business. Colonel Sanders made one last attempt to persuade the Pope to change the wording of the Lord's prayer.

"I'll donate 50million dollars to the Vatican if you change the word "bread" to "chicken""

There was a pause.

"That is a lot of money" the Pope conceded.

"So you'll do it?"

"I'll have to discuss it with the Cardinals"

So the Pope called a meeting of the Cardinals. He began,

"I have good news that, KFC are going to donate 50 million dollars to the Vatican.
The bad news is, we'll have to end the Britania account."

Lord Shiva in bar!!

One day Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So
he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the bartender:

"What all do u have"?

Bartender : "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc etc.".

Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles of whisky".

After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord Shiva decided to try Rum.

Bartender was shocked :"Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky,he is still on his feet".

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40 bottles
of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.

Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him : "Sir,who are you??

I've seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???

Lord Shiva : "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain". (Translation: Son, I am Lord Shiva)

Bartender : AB CHADHI ISKO!! (Translation: Now It has an effect!!)