An apprentice is training to be a lion tamer, and it's his first day.
The master tamer Banta was telling him what to do."Firstly, if the lion growls, move back slightly."
Secondly, if the lion keeps growling, and moves towards you, move back a little more."
Thirdly, if the lion is still growling and advancing on you, throw a load of shit in its face and ran out.
"The apprentice replies, "but what if there is no shit to throw?"
"Don't worry," replies the Banta, "if a lion is advancing on you, there will be!"
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Wednesday, January 7, 2009
65 year-old woman gave birth
A 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. She is discharged from the hospital and goes home.
Her relatives came to see this miracle and also were bit burried as how she will cope up the situation “May we see the new baby?” one asks.
“Not yet… soon,” says the 65 year-old mother, chatting away with her visitors.
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asks, “May we see the new baby now?”
“Not yet,” replies the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they ask again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No,” replies the mother.
Growing very impatient, they ask, “So, when can we see the baby?”
“Well..... when it cries,” she tells them.“WHEN IT CRIES!” they exclaim, “why on earth do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because," she explains, "I've forgotten where I put it...”
Her relatives came to see this miracle and also were bit burried as how she will cope up the situation “May we see the new baby?” one asks.
“Not yet… soon,” says the 65 year-old mother, chatting away with her visitors.
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asks, “May we see the new baby now?”
“Not yet,” replies the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they ask again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No,” replies the mother.
Growing very impatient, they ask, “So, when can we see the baby?”
“Well..... when it cries,” she tells them.“WHEN IT CRIES!” they exclaim, “why on earth do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because," she explains, "I've forgotten where I put it...”
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Banta went to buy curtain
Banta went to a shop that sells curtain. He asked for light blue color curtain.
The salesman showed him quite many varieties but Banta was struggling to chose one.
Finally he choses one with beautiful light blue with white shades.
Salesman said, Thats a good choice sir and then asked what size he is looking for.
Banta replied, "yeah I would like 15 inches long."
Salesman, "Excuse me sir, 15 inches is too small, what kind of room are you preferring for?"
Banta replied, "Its not for any room but for my new computer."
Salesman, "Forgive me Sir, But computers don't need curtains."
Banta, "Oye dear, I have got Windows!!!"
The salesman showed him quite many varieties but Banta was struggling to chose one.
Finally he choses one with beautiful light blue with white shades.
Salesman said, Thats a good choice sir and then asked what size he is looking for.
Banta replied, "yeah I would like 15 inches long."
Salesman, "Excuse me sir, 15 inches is too small, what kind of room are you preferring for?"
Banta replied, "Its not for any room but for my new computer."
Salesman, "Forgive me Sir, But computers don't need curtains."
Banta, "Oye dear, I have got Windows!!!"
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Banta threw a paki from 10th floor
Banta was accused of throwing a paki from 10th floor of a building and his case was heard by the judge.
Judge after hearing concluded, "Banta, You are sentenced to 2 years of imprisonment!!"
Banta reacted, "c'mmon my lord, He was a paki. Thats unfair!!"
Judge responded, "Thats Ok, But it could have hit anybody on the road."
Judge after hearing concluded, "Banta, You are sentenced to 2 years of imprisonment!!"
Banta reacted, "c'mmon my lord, He was a paki. Thats unfair!!"
Judge responded, "Thats Ok, But it could have hit anybody on the road."
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A Sardar finds a magical lamp
A Sardar finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. "Ah, hell," says the genie, "What do you want?"
Sardar says "I want a huge mansion with a thousand rooms and a hundred floors, in the heart of Delhi city."
The genie looks at him and says "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how costly the city is? that's impossible. pick something else."
So the Sardar says "I want everyone to stop making fun of me"
The genie says "so this mansion, you want all rooms with attached bathrooms?"
Sardar says "I want a huge mansion with a thousand rooms and a hundred floors, in the heart of Delhi city."
The genie looks at him and says "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how costly the city is? that's impossible. pick something else."
So the Sardar says "I want everyone to stop making fun of me"
The genie says "so this mansion, you want all rooms with attached bathrooms?"
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Its not good to be extremist
Three Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "How much good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in the heaven accordingly".
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.
The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a BMW and drives off into heaven.
The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.
Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.
He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.
The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a BMW and drives off into heaven.
The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.
Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.
He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".
Once a Punjabi did right
Once a Punjabi, a maarwadi, and a Bengali - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Yamraj, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Yamraj relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him 10 thousands.
Punjabi pays his 10 thousand straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left.
Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's maarwadi and the bengali?".
"Well," says the Punjabi, "when I left them, the marwadi had him down to 6.5 thousand, and the Bengali was arguing that the government should pay for it as he pays his taxes and roads are not proper which leads to these accident."
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Yamraj relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him 10 thousands.
Punjabi pays his 10 thousand straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left.
Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's maarwadi and the bengali?".
"Well," says the Punjabi, "when I left them, the marwadi had him down to 6.5 thousand, and the Bengali was arguing that the government should pay for it as he pays his taxes and roads are not proper which leads to these accident."
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