Banta and the genie

Banta and his wife were out enjoying a round of golf in the greens lined by beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what had happened.

When they peeked inside the home, they could find no one there. Banta called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a bald big fellow sitting on the couch.

The wife said,"Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through that window, knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.

The wife said, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh why yes, I am. In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the genie replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes: one was to be best golfer of the world for the husband. The other was for an income of Rs 1,00,00,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and millionaire."

Banta and his wife agreed.

After the genie and wife finished, the genie asked the wife "How long have you been married?"

She replied, "3 years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

To which she responded, "31 years old."

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie stuff.

Banta and the pirates

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, Banta, the captain and his crew were in danger of being attacked by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, Banta shouted to his First Mate, "Bring me my Red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the Banta's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Everbody hailed Banta.


Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were now TWO pirate group sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but Banta, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

And once again the battle was on. Once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when a fellow mate looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

Banta, smiled and said confidently, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were more pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

Banta, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

Banta and the cashier

Banta shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter.

The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have a dog?" "Yes." replied the man.

"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." Banta answered.

"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."

The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout.

"Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier.

"Yes," Banta said, "but I left him home."

"Sorry," cashier said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."

The next day Banta walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here." The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"

Banta replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"

The talking clock!!

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass hammer and a circular Iron disc.

"What's that circular Iron disc for?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a disc. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How' s it work?" the friend asked, looking at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the hammer, gave the disc an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole, it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

The farmer and his Amazing pig

A man is visiting a farm when he sees a giant pig with three legs. He goes over to the farmer and says, "how come that pig has three legs?"

"Oh that be a special pig that one" says the farmer, "see that pig, three months ago, while I was coming back from the market I crashed my tractor into the ditch, and I was trapped under the tractor, under water. That pig jumped over the sty wall, ran down to the ditch, grabbed the tractor in it's teeth, pulled it off me, then pulled me onto the bank and gave me the kiss of life."

"Wow," says the man, "But how come it only has three legs?"

" See that pig?" says the farmer, "that be a special pig. Two months ago when I went to the market, my missus come with me, just in case I had an accident like. While we were away three niggers came to the farm and attacked my daughters. That pig attacked the niggers, pulled them away from my daughters, then got my shotgun and chased them across the farm, treed them, then waited till the police came and arrested them."

"Incredible, but why has it only got three legs?", queried the man again.

"See that pig, that pigs special. Last month when I went to the market, my farmhouse caught fire, and my wife and daughters were trapped inside. That pig jumped over the sty wall, broke down the door, charged in to the burning house and dragged my unconscious wife out, then charged back into the smoke to get my daughter, and then again to get my other daughter, then he called the fire brigade, and gave my family first aid."

"Unbelievable, that's fantastic, but why has only got three legs"

"Well" says the Farmer, "Pig like that you don't eat all at once

The farmer and the rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.
He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk.

"Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.


Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same.

The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry! You'll kill yourself!"

But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A vulture was already circling above Henry.

The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy."

"Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "the vulture's getting closer."

Banta and Golden Fish

Santa once visited Banta's house. He saw a acquarium in the hall with two beautiful Golden fish into it.

Santa exclaimed, "What a beautiful Golden Fishes are those!!, Have named them?"

Banta replied, "Yeah I do, The bigger one name is ONE and the smaller one name is TWO."

Santa said, "ONE and TWO, What kind of name are these?"

Banta concluded, "These are very costly fishes, so if ONE dies I still have TWO."